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| Brad and Jo (from a photo) and a favorite song |
And so, Paul and I are thankful that my Aunt Jo gave
us the gift of sharing in the end of her life while we have been here during
this summer home leave. Normally I might be more private about personal losses,
but Aunt Jo has been a central, crucial person in both Paul’s life and mine. In
many ways, the trajectory of our shared life and marriage only makes sense in
the light of the community that Jo helped create. And so I need to share a bit
of history.
My father’s older brother Brad Sack was a forerunner in public health research on cholera and other diarrheal diseases. Amongst other things, Brad was “an early pioneer of using oral rehydration therapy (ORT) to treat diarrhea. The treatment would eventually become standard, adopted by the World Health Organization, and has been credited with saving over 50 million lives in the past 30 years.”[1] His research focus led him to take his family (Aunt Jo and 4 kids) to live in Calcutta, India for a number of years.
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| Diane Pierce (L), wife of a public health colleague from Calcutta days |
When they
returned to Baltimore, Brad and Jo found themselves out of step with the
American church, having experienced an international perspective. They started
a kind of house church / small group with like-minded Christians: public health
scientists who had lived overseas and enjoyed the arts. Paul’s parents Henry
and Bunny Mosley had been living in Bangladesh during the late ‘60s and early
70’s and joined that community when they returned to Henry’s position at Johns
Hopkins University School of Public Health. My father David moved to Hopkins
for a fellowship in infectious disease research in 1974 and we also joined the
growing community when I was two years old.
Because he’s older than me, Paul has many more vivid memories of the “Family Singers.” Nearly every Sunday, they would go over to the Sacks’ home on Ridgely Garth, where Jo would teach the adolescent kids Sunday school using the radical new translation of the Bible “Good News for Modern Man.”
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| Jo on far right |
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| Collete, Louise, Bunny, Paul and Dan talking, Henry |
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| Photos of Jo made by her kids a few years ago |
In December 2001, Brad and Jo had a huge Christmas party, gathering all the Family Singers folks they could find. My husband Paul and I both happened to show up at that party, home for the holidays to see our parents. We hadn’t seen each other in at least a decade, though I have always been close to his parents over the years. And as we talked that evening, catching up, sparks flew. It was very clear to each of us that we had a deep and special connection, as members of the same eclectic “tribe.” Paul and I would not be married to each other if it weren’t for the Family Singers. We invited all of them to our wedding in 2003, where one of the pieces of special music was their informal theme song “Sing Love Songs to a Lonely World.”
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| An old poster someone made for Family Singers, found in the basement |
Sing love songs to a
lonely world.
Sing honest love songs
by the score
Real love songs, so
all the lonely world
Knows why the church
is here and what the church is for.
Bring beauty to a
humdrum world.
Let truth and beauty
now appear.
Some beauty that all
can recognize,
And recognizing, share
with everybody here.
Bring quiet to a noisy
world.
Bring peace and quiet
now and then.
Some quiet so all the
listening world
Can hear the words of
love and whisper as Amen.
Bring laughter to a
solemn world.
Bring joy and laughter
loud and clear.
Make laughter that
fills the whole wide world
Our message to the
stars that true love has been here.
Sing love songs to a
lonely world
To tell them why the
church is here.
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| Family singers gathering last week in Brad and Jo's sunroom |
My uncle Brad died in 2017 – such a hard time for all of us. Jo continued on, living in their family home, which has always been the special gathering place for family singers. She remained very sharp, even when it was harder to get around, doing puzzles and working on special scrapbooks to document the life she had lived. Jo was never one to stand on ceremony or to put up with small talk, cocktail parties and empty ritual. So by sharp, I mean she would say things like they are, loving but blunt. Every Monday, my parents would bring dinner over after work and watch Jeopardy or the baseball game.
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| Henry, Rebecca and Paul Sack |
In early June, Jo had a stroke and experienced some significant physical setbacks in speech and mobility. We were able to go and visit with her a number of times. She always loved a foot rub or backrub, so even when she couldn’t speak well and enjoy a conversation, she welcomed that kind of attention. Jo gave us about two months to adjust to the reality that she was on her way out. She completed her well-lived life at almost 90 in her own home, with three of her four kids nearby.
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| Louise Carlson talking with Oren |
Jo really did not want any kind of formal funeral ceremony, just a brief recognition and a song during a normal service at her home church. But it was hard for those of us she left – her personality and her home itself had been such a center of gravity for so many of us. I was very grateful when my cousins agreed to host a final Family Singers gathering back at the Sack home last Thursday evening. There aren’t so many of the older generation left, but Paul’s parents, my family, my brother and my cousins, along with Louise Carlson made a warm group in person and lots of folks (grandchildren and family singers friends) joined us online.
We played one
of Jo’s famous games (“this is the dog…”) and shared memories of her and of
what Family Singers has meant in our lives. And then we sang together around the
grand piano in the living room, Louise, at 93, still extremely able to
accompany and play from memory as well as from notes: “love songs” and “In remembrance”
from Celebrate Life! (a 70’s drama loved by Family Singers). We ended
with Jo’s special request, “Just a closer walk with Thee.”
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| Sharing with friends online |
Sitting in that sunroom, surrounded by dear family who are more than family, I realized how much I have taken for granted a community and a set of values that are extraordinary. How often do you find these elements coexisting together?
- a gathering of world-class scientists with hundreds of peer-reviewed publications each, all brilliant, rigorous intellectuals (I’m really not making this up)
- dedicated to public health research that benefits people in the poorest nations, and always concerned about social justice
- Working in the same university – sometimes in the same department – and enjoying each others’ company rather than fighting for career advancement -- because of their experience working side by side in international settings, with the same vision
- Sharing an examined Christian faith that is the motivation behind their professional calling
- Creating a place of hospitality and welcome for people of all ages
- These same people delight in music and the arts (with a fair bit of talent to go along with that joy)
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| Bunny and Louise |
So the
opportunity to be in Baltimore, in Jo’s house, to grieve her death together
with our community was an incredible gift of timing from God. We are grateful. Sometimes
grief is the flip side of joy.
Bonus video can be found here, of us singing "Love Songs" -- not perfect, but with heart
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